Sunday, March 27, 2011

How Not to Invite a Single or Divorced Person for Pesach

Here's what you don't say:

  • Do you need a Seder?
  • Do you need a meal for YomTov? 
  • Which meals don't you have an invitation for?
  • You can come for the first seder. Do you know who else needs a place for that night?

All of these things were said to me by well-meaning hosts and hostesses in the past.

Here's what you do say.

  • Would you like to join us for the first seder?
  • Would you like to join us for 2nd day lunch?
  • Would you like to join us for any of the YomTov lunches, like any of the last days?  You're welcome to bring a friend as well.

Remember, single people don't "need" meals, and if they do, it's rude to remind them of how much you have and how much they don't.  As a former "older single" as well as a former divorcee, I can assure you that these words do hurt.  Have a little sensitivity this YomTov, fill your tables with people who are currently alone, and treat them with sensitivity and respect.

(Getting off my soapbox now.)

Chag kasher v'sameach.


SuperRaizy said...

Well said!

frum single female said...

i agree with you. its better to ask specifically rather than generally. when its a general offer it seems less sincere unless its a close friend asking.
the other thing is that i enjoy be invited to meals for the company, its not really about the food. i don't always even like the food of my host, but i do enjoy their company and appreciate them opening their home to me.

Anonymous said...

it's funny, as a 28 year old single woman with mostly married friends, I often find myself asking families and non-marrieds alike if they "need a meal". never thought much about the phrasing and I'm not sure anyone took offense.. but it's true, "would you like to join me/us" is a much warmer way to invite guests to your home.

chag kasher v'sameach!