Thursday, September 24, 2009

Checking in

So here's something new.

I'm happy.

Yup. I'm actually happy. I'm not thrilled, ecstatic, on Cloud 9, over the moon. But, I'm happy.

I know a happy blogger doesn't exactly make for the most interesting posts. Hope I don't sound like a blithering idiot. Maybe that's why I haven't written in my blog so much these past few months. I started my blog as an outlet, a place to put all the mental energy and dust that got kicked up during my divorce, the divorce that shook my world to pieces. I just don't have that much to kvetch about.

Scratch that. I actually have a lot to kvetch about. I need a job. I have a very small biological window left to have a baby and I'm worried sick about it. We're short on money. My move here was a nightmare. My mom and siblings are driving me crazy, crazy, crazy. My house is still not unpacked and in need of some major fixing up. My community needs money. I need to have some minor (very minor) surgery next week. One of our contractors stole money from us. My car is badly in need of some body work and we can't afford it. I'm middle aged. Etc. Etc.

But these problems are all just part of being awake every morning. I don't expect life to be free of problems. That doesn't happen till you're, well, dead.

Truth is, I greet every day astounded at my lack of unhappiness. I think I've been unhappy for so long, I didn't really recognize the feeling of being happy. My miserable marriage, followed by my sad divorce....nearly a decade spent steeped in unhappiness. No wonder. I'm flexing new muscles. I'm getting laugh lines.

Well, thank you, God. Seriously. Thanks for turning my dear husband around and showing him that if we each devote ourselves to making the other person happy, we will have a good life together, and we will build something. Thanks for helping me change. Thanks for giving me something to work with. Most of all, thanks for a second chance. I owe you one.

Shana tovah.

2 comments:

SuperRaizy said...

"I know a happy blogger doesn't exactly make for the most interesting posts"-
On the contrary. This is the best post of yours that I have ever read!
I'm so glad that you and hubby have found happiness.

frum single female said...

glad you are happy at last. dont stress about having a baby. (easier said than done) being more relaxed makes one more likely to have a baby. b"h i have heard of many who have had healthy first babies even in their late forties. i met someone my age whose mother was 48 when she had him. ( you dont need to know my age to make this a good thing). yes , it is a tougher road for a woman on the older side of the fertility coin, but not impossible either.
i wish you a shana tovah of health, happiness and only good things.