Friday, May 8, 2009

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

This was recently posted to one of the Jewish community listservers to which I subscribe. I changed a few things here and there to protect the poster's anonymity as best as I could.

5 months pregnant and havent seen a doctor!!

I have a huge problem. I don't have insurance so I applied for Medicaid. However I could not apply unless I had a green card which I had just lost along with my wallet just a few weeks before. I could replace it but it would most probably arrive after I have given birth. Now that I'm expecting I'm eligible for Medicaid w/out replacing my green card. I was told that I need a letter from a doctor stating that I am pregnant in order to put the application through. My family has a history of premature births. I was told I should be monitored because of this. Everyday that goes by I'm more and more nervous!! I have no idea who to go to and am afraid out of my mind. Anyone have any ideas? Does anyone know someone who will take me without insurance at least until I get Medicaid?
I just don't know what to do with this. Is this woman stupid? Is she just completely frightened into paralysis? Is she insane? Five months pregnant and no prenatal care? Does she give a damn about her child?

We have a messed up health care system in this country, granted. But we also have an institution called The Free Clinic. Many major hospitals have them. They are all over the country. There are a ton of them in NY. If you can't pay for medical care, you can still get medical care, for free. I was under the impression that this was a well-known fact. If this woman decided not to see a doctor for herself, fine.

But to not see a doctor when she is FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT?!? I'm thinking that this is some form of child abuse. I'm serious.

This woman is an idiot. I understand she's scared and confused, but there comes a point when she needs to resolve her fear, confusion and self-imposed helplessness for the sake of another human being who has no choice but to depend on her. This is procrastination of the worst possible kind, the kind that could potentially harm a child. What exactly will she do when the child is born and needs medical care?

I just don't know what to do with this. The woman is just an utterly neglectful moron.

13 comments:

frum single female said...

great. this woman is an imbecile and she gets to have a child. im not sure if i will ever get to have that chance

WebGirl said...

You know what, fsf, I feel exactly the same way, but I thought, given my recent remarriage, it would sound ungrateful if I gave voice to that. But yes, apparently, having your life together is not a requirement for who gets to be pregnant.

Believe me when I say, I know exactly how you feel.

Nice Jewish Guy said...

I saw this post on the listserv too... I didn't know what to say. Did you reply to her about the free clinic? She could go to planned parenthood, or any ER, really. I wonder what country she is from, not having a green card.

I've seen some really, REALLY dumb posts on that listserv, BTW.

WebGirl said...

NJG, don't get me started. We should do a joint post just on stupid listerver posts. OMG, people are scarydumb.

I didn't reply...maybe I should have. She will probably be besieged with replies...every time I post there I get close to 100 replies, no matter what it is. Then again, maybe everyone is thinking that way. Maybe I'll get the address of a specific free clinic and email it to her. I was in utter shock at how ignorant and paralyzed she sounded.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

hey hey hey. Stop being so harsh! Did you notice she'd lost her greeeen card? It means that most probably she's new to this country. And in a country where there's so many messed up things and such a bad bureaucracy you could easily get confused. And not everyone has someone to ask or to give an advice.

So think from another view - she has posted there not just to tell everyone how "stupid" she is but in a search for an advice...

WebGirl said...

Dwh,

I tried to feel sorry for her, I really did. But just because someone has a green card doesn't mean they are an unfortunate immigrant who doesn't speak English and doesn't understand the way things work. First of all, her English is both fluent and idiomatic. My guess is she's probably from Canada. Second of all, she uses "I was told" a couple of times, so obviously she must be speaking to some people. Third of all, SHE HAS INTERNET ACCESS! She's posting to a listserver, and while I don't want to divulge which one, let's just say it's in a pretty affluent part of New York. That doesn't make her affluent or knowledgeable, but, heck, she can afford Internet access, so don't picture some poor Russian- or Spanish-only-speaking country bumpkin squatting in a barn somewhere.

Finally, she seems to be aware that she is endangering the life of her child, but she is so paralyzed with inaction that at this point, she just wants someone to help her and help her now. And it's taken her five months, FIVE PRECIOUS PRE-NATAL MONTHS to come to the point where she's reaching out?

Sorry, I can't really summon up any sympathy for her. The woman is a neglectful mother, and she's taking this extraordinarily precious gift of life growing inside of her totally for granted. Shame on her for self-imposed stupidity.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

While I understand from where you come with these arguments I still think you shouldn't be so much aggressive against her. I know many people who can afford internet but still ask others on how to find something there. Websites such as JustF**kingGoogleit.com didn't come from nowhere. And yes, while her english is pretty good I can tell you that my coworker from spanish speaking country in South America speaks not worse than her. And I know russian girls who've just came to US few years ago and speak great English sometimes better than americans! And I know an american guy who speaks fluent russian (much harder than english) just because he came to Russia in his 16 and picked it up on the fly within half a year!!!
Now let's put it this way. You can't rely on "I was told" - people say tons of things. And that doesn't always make sense. And they can say something out of the blue, but not explain it correctly leading person listening to the state of the art asylum!

To add few more things. Yes I am not married yet and I don't have that much of experience. But I am also a russian immigrant here who doesn't know many "obvious" things of this life just yet. I'm not trying to say that I don't know you gotta go to a doctor when you get pregnant for a check up, but I really don't know if it's possible to do anything here for free. B''H I have a job and insurance...

WebGirl said...

Dwh,

You're a better man than I am. Good of you to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Me, I have trouble suffering fools. I guess the other part of my harshness is that I am jealous of her pregnancy. There's not much I wouldn't give to be pregnant right now, and here she is, five months pregnant, la di da, and not even taking care of the baby. It's hard for me to swallow.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

I understand... Beizrat Hashem you will have a baby soon too!!!

MK said...

A tangential note to this story is the fact that she is depending on getting Medicaid at some point.
See this article on the high cost to taxpayers. If you think we don't already have socialized medicine, you're sadly mistaken.

Nice Jewish Guy said...

I guess the problem here is not that she needs help, but that she waited 5 months to do it. No one would have any "tainos" on her if she posted the exact same thing, and was 8 or 10 weeks pregnant. But if she "just lost her green card", that means she HAD one up until recently, when she was presumably somewhere between, say, four and sixteen weeks pregnant. What's her reason (excuse) for not seeking prenatal care then?

Anonymous said...

i really dont understand your rage. aside from taking prenatal vitamins (which you can get w/o a
prescription) what else is so so important about regular prenatal care? ultrasounds are not a necessity. thank god her pregnancy is going smoothly - she would know if there's a prob - bleeding, contractions, illness...
you are judging her way to harshly. just daven that youre never in a situation where you lack med insurance.

WebGirl said...

Anonymous,

Not even sure where to begin. First of all, pre-natal care IS a very big deal and could mean the difference between a healthy baby and one who is going to have health issues for the rest of his/her life (or frankly, one who could not be born at all.). Not at all sure why you think pre-natal care is unimportant.

Second of all, you're missing my point. This is not about feeling bad for someone who is in a tough situation because she doesn't have health insurance. (And how do you know I was never in that situation? FYI, I was.) This is about a woman who is neglecting a helpless child who is depending on her, and has done so for five months. There are lots of ways to get medical care if you don't have insurance, especially basic pre-natal care. If she wants to neglect her own body, fine. But here she is blessed with a pregnancy, and what does she do? Just not deal with it for five crucial months. And she knows that she could potentially have medical complications. And if she has a computer and Internet access, then she has enough resources at hand to figure out how to deal with this situation. Suddenly, five months into the pregnancy, she wakes up? Sorry, I have a hard time feeling sorry for her. This woman is an idiot who is endangering the life of her child.