Friday, April 17, 2009


So my fiancé and I have been fighting. Are you shocked?

It's actually more like bickering or arguing. And contrary to what would probably be popular wisdom, I am actually taking it to be a good sign. A very, very good sign, that our second marriage will be so vastly superior from our first. Why is this?

Because a) we are not holding things in. We are talking out just about everything. No silent treatment, holding grudges, crying fits. b) we are fighting really well...not insulting each other, bringing up past garbage or getting personal. We're sticking to the issues. We're pointing out and acknowledging if we or the other person says something unfair. We're resolving stuff. Actually resolving stuff. c) Every argument/fight/discussion ends. We're able to actually argue, come to some sort of conclusion and then get on with our lives. And smile at each other afterwards (sometimes, not always).

We're the same people who got married the first time. The same contentious, annoying, verbal, know-it-all couple, with the same pet peeves and the same likes and dislikes. The difference is that no matter how much something bothers either one of us, we are going to be very careful not to try to destroy the other person over it. We are committed to putting our marriage before ourselves. Sorry if that's not pee-cee, but it seems to work. So far so good.

As I continue to say, it's not the problems of marriage that concern me. Those will always be there. It's how we deal with those problems. And so far, we are doing ok.

Every day, I fall a little, teeny-tiny bit more back in love with my Ex. Just a coupla molecules at a time. And then, after a few weeks of these baby steps, I glance over my shoulder and see where I am and how far we've come, and I thank God again and again for my (weird but) happy ending.


MK said...

Really glad to hear it. Best wishes.

smoo said...

I'm impressed at the maturity. Keep it up!