Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Divorce here, divorce there, divorce divorce EVERYWHERE

I just found out that yet another couple I know is splitting up, and I cannot tell you how sick I feel about this.

I'm thinking back to a Friday night a few years ago in California (where they used to live). The Ex and I were visiting some friends and we went to Jill and Sam's house for Shabbos dinner. They had a great little house, but it was too small for their growing family, and they were leaving LA to go to the Midwest for more affordable housing in a frum community. I remember what a beautiful Shabbat table Jill put out...funky candle holders and elegant, modern table settings. Jill and Sam are both really bright, eloquent, fun people. I remember we brought them a delicious wine and polished off the bottle without noticing. It was a great meal....terrific food, conversation, setting. Everything was perfect. Later that week, we went out for all-you-could-eat Sushi, and the four of us put away (literally) about a hundred pieces of sushi, and how we were laughing about it and could barely move afterwards.

And here we are, four years later with our respective marriages in the crapper.

I get pretty depressed when I hear about another casualty in the marriage wars, especially when it was one that I didn't see coming (which of course accounts for like 90% of them). Why do seemingly great marriages fail? What is the secret behind staying together?

I hate divorce.

1 comment:

Nice Jewish Guy said...

That's really what's most unsettling about divorce; it can happen to anyone, and it often does. No one, no matter how sparkly their marriage appears, no matter how close and in synch they seem, is immune. I know many couples who seemed to have fine marriages and then ended up splitting. It's frightening.

Even if, as with some divorces I know, there is a specific issue at the root of the split, an identifiable, irreconcilable difference, an unfixable problem-- in other cases, such as the one you mention, there isn't a clear cause apparent. So it isn't enough for someone like me to say, "well, I'll never have X problem again, so my next marriage will be safe". No one, it seems, is safe. And it scares the crap out of me.