Friday, August 1, 2008


Check out this pagan wedding! Click through on their ceremony and party links. Awesome. I have to say my favorite, favorite part was about them using recovered food. Do you know what recovered food is? The bride defines it "food that was saved from being thrown out because it wasn’t pretty enough to be on display at the supermarkets." Oh yeah. My second favorite part was that the groom wore a skirt. And finally, I loved the idea of the polyamory. Yes. Let's get married but still leave our options wide open. Fabulous idea. So cool.

My wedding was actually really nice. Of course, my marriage sucked horribly, but the wedding was nearly perfect. I did the fluffy white gown thing, though it was very scaled down, because I was in my thirties, and my personal taste doesn't really include sequins. I'm quite handy at the sewing machine and I made my own was a wreath of white satin flowers, seed pearls, lace, and a waist length double layered tulle veil. Very bridal. The Ex gave me a string of pearls in the Yichud room. He wore a tux.

We tried very hard to do two things: make it a very classy, underdone affair (really tight budget) and personalize it. We had relatively few fights with our families. I felt very strongly about mixed seating and separate dancing. I think separate seating anywhere but in the synagogue is stupid. We splurged in two areas: the band and the photographer. We were both music people and felt very strongly about having a great band. We put a lot of thought into which songs we wanted playing when we walked to our chuppah, and which tunes would be used under the chuppah. We picked music that was meaningful to us. We insisted on no speeches under the chuppah (which our Rabbi ignored, to my utter chagrin).

I spent under a thousand dollars total on our flowers, including all the chuppah flowers, bouquets, boutinierres, and table flowers. Basically we had white roses everywhere. We didn't want anything stupid like ice sculptures at the shmorg (I hate ice sculptures). We didn't have a lot of choice with the food, as the wedding hall sort of mandated the chicken/steak/salmon selection, but everything else was simple and scaled down. We both spoke and spoke nicely. I have some close friends who are in the music business, and they did an amazing little production at the end of the wedding. The wedding favors came from Oriental Trading, and they were modest as well.

Next time around, if I ever do get married, unless my fiance has never been married before or has serious objections, it will be in a white linen suit in a nice restaurant. I have no desire for the grand scale chassanah anymore. Been there.

Done that.


Isophorone said...

I tell the newly-engaged that there's nothing like planning a wedding to make you understand why people elope!

abandoning eden said...

yep. after planning a wedding for my first (failed) engagement, i'm going super low key all the way here. My budget is under $1000, we're not quite at the recovered food stage, but we're going to have it semi-potluck style (we're bringing some main dishes and asking people to bring side dishes and dessert), we're having 15 guests total at this point, and no flowers since it's going to be outside. In a picnic pavilion at the state park.

I still have to figure out what I'm going to wear...I was thinking either those white pajamas that indian people wear, or a nice green dress to match the trees. :)

we considered eloping, but I think it's more personal to have the ceremony in front of friends instead of in front of a judge.

WebGirl said...

AE, two comments.

1) Borrow a friend's Costco card and get some of their enormous desserts. You can get a pie that will generously feed around 12 people for like $8. They also have smoked salmon, fish, bagels and stuff like that for ridiculously cheap prices. Seriously.

2) I understand not wanting to go tradtional, and of course this is your choice, but get married in a dress. If you don't want to do white, do some other color, but wear a dress. When you get married, you want to celebrate your "woman-ness" and femininity. I'm not articulating this very well, but your marriage is the one event in your life where you want to be pretty. Not just look good, but be girly-pretty. Even if that's not usually the way you'd like to perceive yourself. If you wear pajamas or some other funky "statement" outfit, you will be sorry in ten years when you look at your pictures. My $.02.