Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Detailing the car

I am feeling very virtuous today. I debated inwardly about whether I should take my car in to be detailed for Pesach or to just do it myself. Cheapness won out and I decided to save the $150 and put in some elbow grease. And lo and behold, what came in the mail today but a Dooney and Bourke coupon for $50 off a $200 handbag purchase! Thank you, God. I will take that as a sign that I should buy myself an afikoman gift.

Last year, I went away for Pesach and took my car for just a quick vacuum and wash before the holiday. This year, I methodically removed every inch of detritus and junk from the car, and vacuumed out crumbs, dirt and all kinds of shmutz, washed down the upholstery, carpet and trunk, windexed the dashboard and febreezed the entire car. I filled two huge boxes with all manner of crap, including 3 umbrellas (you never know), 4 bottles of Purelle (you never know), and 6 bottles of Poland Spring (you never know). I found a roll of quarters (score!), $1.45 in change, and a can of tomato sauce that must have spilled out of a bag of groceries. When I looked at the pile of junk that came out of the trunk, I realized that I was probably driving around with 100 lbs. of extra weight, and at the price of gas today, it was pretty stupid of me to be lugging all this stuff around.

I went through the glove compartment, which is something I haven't done since before I got divorced last year. I found two granola bars in my "emergency kit" (chametz!). I dug though all the extra batteries (you never know), the spare contact lenses (you never know), the emergency nail polish (you never know) and

the spare pack of bedikah cloths.

That was a pretty nasty slap in the face. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Taharat HaMishpacha, bedikah cloths are used by married women in preparation for going to the mikvah.

It was unpleasant to find them and it brought up a vivid, very sad, painful memory. I remember the last time I went to the mikvah. I knew on some level that I was going to be leaving my husband very shortly, and while I was in the water, I started sobbing. I wondered if it was going to be my last time ever in a mikvah. I knew that at the very least, it would be a long time before I went to one again. I tried to daven, but my heart was broken and empty. I cried at the waste, the rage and the terrible, terrible failure.

I just don't want to think about that.

I sadly put the spare pack of cloths aside to give to my sister. Won't need those. Not right now. Sometimes, sometimes you do know.

1 comment:

The Candy Man said...

Thanks for sharing this emotional experience about your divorce. Heartbreaking.