Saturday, December 29, 2007

Saturday night


"It's Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody..."

I'm on a self-enforced break from blind-dating, Frumstering (though to be honest I gave that up over a month ago), SYAS'ing, etc. None of my friends want to go to the movies. I don't feel like watching television. I don't even have a Blockbuster account in NY....always hated renting movies.

I have a pile, okay, several piles of paper on my desk, waiting to be gone through. I have a laundry basket that is nearly full (and God forbid I should do laundry until the basket is overflowing). I have to give a shiur in two weeks and have not cracked open a sefer. I have friends who are not speaking to me because it's been a month since I returned their phone calls.

So what I am doing? Screwing around on my computer. And blogging. I'm Pathetic. It's official. Congratulations to me.

So my phone rang off the hook today. Probably every two hours. You can't imagine how annoying it is to have this happen over Shabbos. It's been occurring with greater frequency over the last few weeks. All the calls show up as 1-800 something or Out of Area. So I'm scratching my head over this today and then I realize...

Oh rats.

When I moved last year and got a new phone number, I forgot to sign up for the no-call registry. And since I recently changed providers, my number probably got listed on some free-for-all telemarketing list. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

Ok, so for all my fellow absentminded readers who might have moved recently, here are two great links to have:

The Don't Call Me Registry: https://www.donotcall.gov. And now, you can also put your cell phone number on there. God bless the Federal government (not really).

The I Don't Want to Receive Junk Mail List: http://OptOutPrescreen.com. No more "pre-approved" offers from credit cards or insurance agencies. God bless the Consumer Credit Reporting Agencies (not really).

Back to me.

Of course, today being December 29, now I'm starting to think of that special evening that single, unattached people secretly loathe, New Year's Eve. It's not that I really care about New Year's Eve, it's just that: a) when the whole world is out having a good time, it's hard to not be out there with them and b) it's just another reminder that I don't have anyone.

When I was single, my friends used to get together and have informal parties. We'd hang out, play social games like pictionary, etc., count down to the new year, and just have a laid-back nice time. When I was married, The Ex and I would usually go out, watch the fireworks or go to the symphony or a show. The year that I was in aveilus, we just hung out in front of the fireplace doing nothing special, which was also nice. The last year or two that we were married, we just went to sleep. It was always nice when New Year's Eve came out on a Friday night, because that gave us the excuse not to do anything because of Shabbos.

So this year, here are my options: 1) go to the huge bash that all my single and divorced friends are going to. 2) hang out in the city with a few platonic male friends. 3) do nothing.

Option 1 is off the list. When I go to singles parties like that, I feel even more lonely. Even when I meet someone there. I don't know why...they just make me feel very hollow and depressed.

Option 2 is a maybe. Truth is, I'm not that excited by the idea. I hate driving to the city, especially on a night like New Year's. I'm just not that into it.

Option 3 is also a maybe. I don't mind being alone. I really don't. But not on New Year's. I'm afraid I'll find myself on my window ledge, which would be super-pathetic, since I live on the ground floor. Seriously, I just want to be out doing something.

What is this weird thing that compels us to go out just to convince ourselves that things really aren't so bad, that we really aren't that alone?

Sigh.

Okay, maybe I will do laundry tonight. And finish that novel I started last night.

2 comments:

Shmilda said...

Bangitout? Say it ain't so!

abandoning eden said...

Go to the party! Just don't go with the mindset that you're there to meet someone...go with the mindset that you're there to have fun with your single/divorced friends! (That mindset was for me the only thing that made going to singles stuff even tolerable). Trust me, I spent the last 4 new years eves single, and the very worst one was the one i spent at home by myself. (although to be fair, that was also the first one, and that was only a month after i broke up with my ex-fiance...)

And I didn't hate new years eve as a single person :) For the past 3 years I've been going to concerts on NYE...I'm probably in a weird situation, since I go to see specific bands so much that I know people who follow those specific bands (And these are really small jam bands, so it's easy to get to know other people at the shows), and at all the NYE concerts I went to I met up with a bunch of friends/friendly aquaintences there (who were both singles and couples). But I was still going by myself, and I still had an awesome time :) I totally would be going to a concert this year too if I wasn't stuck in the midwest..(and if B wouldn't be all sad if he had to spend NYE alone...he hates jam bands so I leave him behind to go to shows).

Anyways, I don't know what the point of that ramble was. Happy new years! Have fun whatever you do :)