Thursday, December 13, 2007

Lost and Tired

Well, I've been reading NJG's blog about the drama that's been happening in his world. I really feel quite vicariously crummy about what he's going through. Why do friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. treat each other so shabbily? We learn all this stuff in school and camp about midos, we do the Shabbos shiurim on lashon hara, we go to Amen Groups, we listen to the Rabbi's drashes, and yet our dating and social ethics come straight out of an episode of Friends or (God help us) Will and Grace. We are so stupid.

I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of socializing. I'm exhausted. The games I play, the lies I tell to spare people's feelings, the careful way I need to act, the rules, the rules, the rules. I had hoped that dating would create connection for me and help me to start feeling things again; my divorce threw more than a few internal switches to the off postion. Instead, I feel even more detached and even less capable of connecting. I'm shrinking into myself.

I need a vacation from all of this. I think I'm going to take a breather.

1 comment:

Nice Jewish Guy said...

I feel the same way. (Of course, I've had a bit of a rough weekend!) But I'm composing my thoughts on the same subject.