Friday, October 19, 2007

Uh, is the interview over yet? Did I get the position?

I had another date tonight.

I am really tired of being interviewed on my dates. Really. Really. Tired.

How many brothers and sisters do you have?
When you lived in _____, where did you daven?
Which high school did you go to?
How frum are your parents? Your siblings?

Did you cover all of your hair when you were married?

Now these are the questions that make my eyes glaze over. Who cares? Who really, really cares? Shutup. Shut the hell up.

Then there are the incredibly intrusive questions.

Why did you stay with your ex-husband for so long if you were so unhappy?
Did you and your ex-husband have financial issues?

And my personal favorite:

Why didn't you have any children when you were married?

Mind you, we are not talking about someone that I'm close to, or have even known for a month. We are talking about a guy I've dated a few times, known maybe two weeks. It's none of your damn business, Guy.

How about trying some fun questions? How about trying to figure out how I tick from some quirky questions that don't involve any interrogation techniques? How about a little old fashioned 5th grade truth or dare stuff?

If you could "be" a particular rock star, which one would you be?
If you could have one day where you could commit three non-sexual sins, (guilt- and punishment-free) which three would you choose? Ok, now include sexual ones...
Your captors have informed you that you have 24 hours to live. You may listen to anything you like on an empty Ipod, up to 10 songs. Those ten songs would be... (variation on the classic desert island question)
What was the last book you really enjoyed reading?
Do you sing in your car when you're driving alone?
Are you a right-lane person or a left-lane person?
Tefilos I don't really like: _____
Stuff I collect: ____
My favorite comic book when I was a kid: ___

It is so hard to form any real, true connections to people. Why not try to de-detach? Guy, if you want to be The One, be different, be interested in ME, not my trappings. Maybe I will really let you in.

Why can't dates be light and fun and make you feel young and interesting? Why is every date a job interview? Why must we be so old and dead? Guy, do you REALLY care how frum my siblings are? Do you? Really?

4 comments:

Nice Jewish Guy said...

Um, I take it your date didn't go so well....?

I think people just want to know these things about you to see if they can relate their own lives to you, so they look for these potential connections. ("Oh, really? You davened there? My friend's cousin is the Gabbai there...") and that may lead to more specific conversation. Is it inane? Yeah, maybe. But Jewish Geography is the way most frum Jews know how to make connections. No, it's definitely not outside the box. But not everyone is an outside-the-box thinker.

I'll try and answer some of your questions (just off the top of my head, mind you):

If you could "be" a particular rock star, which one would you be?

Jon Bon Jovi. He's good looking, the girls go nuts for him, but he's also married and stable.And rich, presumably.

If you could have one day where you could commit three non-sexual sins, (guilt- and punishment-free) which three would you choose? Ok, now include sexual ones...

Hmm. Interesting question...tough one. Being given a free pass to sin makes you think of not-just-"ordinary" sins, you know, beyond the ones we do every day without any thought anyway, pass or no pass (no one waits for a pass to speak lashon hara, or cheat in business, etc.) And the "big" sins, you know, like stealing, and killing present their own moral issues even when supposedly justifiable. So let's leave the bein adam lechaveiro sins out of it altogether. If I'm going to be given a pass to sin, let's not hurt anyone. So-- off the cuff, my three non-sexual sins would probably be: 1) eat a big treife meal of ham, bacon, lobster and shrimp, cheeseburgers, etc; 2)drive and go to the movies, etc. on Shabbos; and 3) I always wondered what a good Mass would be like at St. Patrick's Cathedral; so, one Shabbos, I could have a huge breakfast of ham and eggs with bacon, go to a movie matinée, lunch on cheeseburgers and shrimp-lobster cocktail, and then drive to St. Paddy's for morning Mass. Then I could go to Confession and have the galach absolve me of all my sins. Wouldn't that be fun?

As for the sexual sins? All of them, baby-- all of them. Except anything involving children, animals, or relatives.

Your captors have informed you that you have 24 hours to live. You may listen to anything you like on an empty Ipod, up to 10 songs. Those ten songs would be...
(variation on the classic desert island question)


Oh, I never could do these "desert island " type questions. And I like too many songs to be able to choose only ten. And if I'm dying in 24 hours, listening to ten songs is pretty low on my list. I'd be trying to reach Jack Bauer on his cellphone. But of course the signal won't work, or he'll be tied up somewhere, or in the trunk of a car.... ;)

What was the last book you really enjoyed reading?

Well, the last book I read was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And I enjoyed it.

Do you sing in your car when you're driving alone?

Oh, yeah. And air drum. And shake and bake on the brake.

Are you a right-lane person or a left-lane person?

Left lane, and if you see me comin', get outta my way.

Tefilos I don't really like:_____

Actually, most of them. I think almost an hour in shul is waaay too much time to be spending davening on a weekday morning. And when there's a fast, or on Monday or Thursday, or Rosh Chodesh, you can be in shul for almost 90 minutes. Before breakfast! Before work! I don't even work out for 90 minutes. That's way too long. And selichos? How much do we have to beg and supplicate and praise?

I'll answer "out-of-the-box: I'll list some of the tefillos I actually do like (in no particular order):

-Ashrei
-Nishmat Col Chai
-Aleinu
-Aanim Zemiros
-Keil Adon
-Magen Avos

Notice that most of these are Shabbos tefillos- they're more poetic and less mundane, since we do't say them every damn day, and most are short (except Nishmat).

Stuff I collect: ____

Business cards. Not sure if its on purpose though.

My favorite comic book when I was a kid: ___

I think we can all guess the answer to that one....?

WebGirl said...

You know what's so sad? My date actually did go okay. And once again, there's no reason not to go out again. I'm just so tired...so tired of all the ordinary, mundane crap that goes along with the joy of frum dating in NY. It's exhausting. It ages me. I know I'm being very judgmental and picking on him...everyone does the Jewish geog questions, including me, but ENOUGH ALREADY. Check please.

smoo said...

It's all about the edge. Those questions you mentioned are space-fillers, time-passers that avoid pregnant pauses (best contraception I know).

I personally like being playful and flirtatious and somewhat silly on my first date so that we both can have fun and see if there is some good down to earth chemistry. All the technical stuff will get explored as time goes on.

Anonymous said...

Don't ask me why I'm bothering to point this out - "I Need Love" was originally written and performed by Sam Phillips.