Thursday, October 25, 2007

I got dumped. (Except we weren't going out?)

The phone rang this morning.

9:45 am.

Guy: Hey!
WebGirl: Hey!
Guy: smalltalksmalltalksmalltalk.
WG: I gotta go. My trainer will be here in ten. Can I call you later?
Guy: Well, I wanted to talk to you about something.
WG: Can it keep? My trainer will here in ten.
Guy: It's kinda important.
WG: Ok, but my trainer will here in ten. If it's important, I don't wanna rush. Call you back?
Guy: Can we just do this now?
WG: I don't...
Guy: I just want to ask you, how do you think it went yesterday?
WG: I think it went well. I had fun. (pause, instinctively starting to protect myself) I take it you didn't?
Guy: No I think it was fun too except for the sucky weather.
WG: Yeah, the weather.
(Pause) (Pause) (Pause)
WG: So....
(Pause) (Pause)
Guy: So I think we should start seeing other people.
WG: (speechless, but not for the reason you think).
Guy: I wasn't sure how to say that to you.
WG: Um. Okay.
Guy: Oh. I thought we could talk about things a little more.
WG: My trainer will be here in five. I can't talk about things right now.
Guy: This is kinda important.
WG: Can I call you back at 11? That's when the session is over. I'll even call you before I shower.
(Pause, pause)
WG: Look, I gotta go. I want to talk to you more, but I really do have to go. I will call you the minute my trainer leaves. Okay?
Guy: Fine.

11:04 am. I call back.

WG: Hey!
Guy: Hey.
WG: Why are you mad?
Guy: I'm not mad.
WG: Ok, you are, but I'm going to pretend you're not. Look, I have to be very honest with you. I don't know how else to be.
Guy: K.
WG: When you said you wanted to see other people...
Guy: I'm just not sure I want to continue to see you exclusively
WG: See that's the thing...
Guy: I like you a lot, but I'm not sure I want to go to the next level.
WG: Next level? Can we take a step back here. I just...
Guy: talkingtalkingtalkingtalking
WG: PLEASE hold on for a second. Please.
Guy: I just need to get this out.
WG: LOOK. I didn't know we weren't seeing other people.
Guy: What?
WG: I didn't think we were seeing each other exclusively.
Guy: We've gone out 8 times.
WG: (thinking, scrambling, doing the math: We have? We have not! We have?) I know but we never talked about this.
Guy: 8 times means you're not seeing anyone else. I mean, are you in this for the fun or for tachlis?
WG: Well, I guess I didn't realize we'd gone out that much.
Guy: What!
WG: That came out wrong. I meant, well, usually, when I decide to see someone exclusively, it's because we have a talk about where things are going and then we mutually decide to see each other exclusively.
Guy: Have you gone out with other guys?
WG: Well. (Deciding whether to lie. Deciding not to.) No one special. But I've been dating here and there. I'm not going to lie to you.
Guy: You know what, forget it. You're not taking me seriously and I don't need this. I just want to tell you this was really disrespectful.
WG: Whu? Huh? Wait!
Guy: (SLAM)
WG: (thinking: did this just happen?)

I'm still a little blown away by this.


Lubab No More said...

That sucks.
For a guy who was making assumptions about the status of the relationship he has some nerve calling you disrespectful.

WebGirl said...

Truth is, if I were more interested and more vested in the relationship, I probably would have had the "where do you think this is going" conversation around date 4 or so. But although I liked him, I wasn't really putting enough energy into the whole thing. Maybe that wasn't really respectful, because he was putting that energy in. But this whole conversation took place in the Frum-Dating-Twilight-Zone as far as I'm concerned. He knew I was in the middle of something, he kept interrupting me and in the end, he acted like a big baby. One thing I have learned from my divorce is that it's not so much whether you have conflict, it's how you handle it. I can't deal with control freaks or drama queens. I need to have adult conversations, even when something is hard to discuss. My ex-husband interrupted and over-talked me all the time. Not doing that again.

Nice Jewish Guy said...

I think your response, not being what he expected, threw him. He was expecting you to be more upset. Your reply that you didn't think you were exclusive, when he did think so, indicated to him that he had been taking the relationship way more seriously than you might have been.. and maybe that made him feel silly. Or vulnerable. So to cover his vulnerability he lashed out at you.

(BTW, this is why I told you not to go out so many times without talking about it.)

WebGirl said...

Yeah, I might have blown this one. I don't feel like I lost anything, but I'm sorry things ended with a phone slam. I might try calling next week just to smooth things over. Though I sorta feel like he should call me, since he did the slamming. But now I'm being a baby.

curlygirl said...

interesting how people just jump to conclusions without ever checking to see if you are on the same page!!

Anonymous said...

People make all sort of assumptions. I went out with a guy three times, and he thought it was exclusive after that. Talk about jumping the gun.