Friday, October 12, 2007

For fellow 24 addicts, my favorite Jack Bauer jokes:

  • When Jack Bauer becomes President, he will protect the Secret Service.
  • When Jack Bauer works out, the machine gets stronger.
  • Guns don't kill people; Jack Bauer kills people.
  • When bad things happen to good people, it's probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
  • Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • The only thing we have to fear, is...Jack Bauer.
  • Jack Bauer's parents threw him a surprise birthday party as a child...once.
  • The credits at the end of 24 aren't the cast and crew, they are the people who died during the making of the episodes.
  • On Jack Bauer's tax returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.
  • Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
  • Jack Bauer doesn't sleep with his gun under his pillow, he sleeps with his pillow under his gun.
  • One day Jack Bauer was pulled over for speeding. After a short period of time, the policeman left with a warning.
  • Surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
  • Upon hearing that he was played by Keifer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
  • Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
  • The number one cause of death in Middle Eastern men is Jack Bauer.
  • If Jack Bauer was in a room with Nina Myers, Osama bin Laden and Sadaam Hussein and only had 2 bullets left in his gun, he would shoot Nina Myers twice.
  • Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

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