Sunday, September 2, 2007


Went out for coffee last night with an old friend of mine from my pre-marital single days. How thoroughly depressing that was. She's a pretty, slim, MO, divorced early 40s-something. She's got her career together. She has money in the bank. She does pilates every day. She does Parsha every week. Her hair is cute and highlighted. Her nail polish is never chipped. She's funny, bright, and just sarcastic enough so that she's pleasant to be around. She volunteers for three worthwhile Jewish orgs. Her Ipod has got great music loaded on it. I wanna be her when I grow up.

She's also given up on marriage.

She's done. She's dated "anyone who's worth dating, twice." She said she will still keep her options open, but she's not making a concerted effort anymore. She's done paying for Frumster and SYAS. She's done with desperate shidduch dates, and will only go out if the suggestion sounds extraordinary. She's done with singles weekends, parties, Shabbatonim. She said she has many friends in the same age category and younger who feel exactly the same way; they are tired of it all. It's demeaning. It's infantilizing. It's depressing. And she's just done.

And now I am getting really anxious.

1 comment:

Nice Jewish Guy said...

That's a very frightening state of affairs. Are things really that bad out there? Is there really no one-- no one?!?-- normal and stable out there?

I guess once you're around 40 and divorced, it's a different pool- the never-been-married and divorced crowd, which both have their respective issues; you're basically getting either the other half of someone else's failed marriage, or a heretofore dud (not to put too fine a point on it! :P). So maybe it is that bad.
I wouldn't give up all hope, though. Perhaps salvation wil come from out of town, or country? But it is a sobering report.