Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Blogs, blogs, everywhere and not a drop to read.

There are so many great and not-so-great blogs out there and I hate to add to the glut, but a girl's gotta sing.

I am going to at least start out this blog anonymously, and try not to lie too much to protect my anonymity. If some of you figure out who I am based on what I do reveal, round of applause for you, Sherlock. I am a Modern Orthodox Jewish thirty-something living in a quiet little corner of the New York Metropolitan area. I'm a native New York girl, but I spent the last few years living in the Wild West, and I've only recently come back East. I work in a great, high-paying and creative profession that requires me to be online most of the working day. My current outer life is rather dull by choice. I am so very, very tired. My inner life, well....that is something entirely different....

Here is what we will talk about today, class, or at least if not today, someday real soon, promise:

1) The three Ds.
Divorce.
Dating.
Detachment.

Divorce. I got divorced at the end of 2006 after a five plus years very sad marriage. I never thought I'd be here. I thought I'd be happily married (or at least as happily as everyone else) raising a brood of snot-faced rugrats by now. But it was not meant to be.

Dating. This is, at the very least, a challenge. There are not many plum catches in my age-appropriate religious level right now. I am being very, very sarcastic. Most frum guys in their early forties who are out there right now have, shall we say, an issue or two. Or perhaps it's me with all the issues. I am searching for the next Mr. WebGirl.

Detachment. I am having a hard time feeling things the way I used to. Just when I think I approach some ripples inside, I hear doors slamming and it goes away. I know this will pass, and I know this is a direct result of having gone through some sad stuff. I am not depressed; I just don't feel connected anymore. This in itself doesn't bother me. Not caring that I don't feel connected, that does bother me.

2) The three M's
Money.
Music.
Modern Orthodoxy.

Money. I am only recently starting to manage my money again, and trying to get back on my feet and build some wealth has given me an enormous feeling of empowerment. Being online all day helps; I can watch my investments closely and scout around for interesting little ways to feather my nest.

Music. I love music. It makes me very, very happy.

Modern Orthodoxy. Being a Modern Ortho Jewgal in the 21st century comes with many challenges.

3) Finally, the three F's.
Family.
Fitness.
Fire.

Family. Ah, the joys of dealing with parents, siblings, cousins, etc. each one nuttier than the next. But I love em.

Fitness. I gained some weight over the last few years of my miserable marriage and now that I am on my own again, I have decided I WILL NOT BE FAT. More than that, I crave health. Time to get moving.

Fire. What do I mean by fire? Maybe this is related to detachment or maybe I should have called this "feeling" or even "frozen." I want my life to mean something; I want to get some chemical reactions going, some fiery SOMETHING. I want to light a fire under myself and make a difference. I need fire.

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